Symbiosis
by Caer
Summary: After a nightmare of pain, H and Q find the will to continue. 1x4


Symbiosis

Symbiosis

Song is "Falling Farther In" by October Project

He almost gagged as cool liquid snaked around his tongue and into his dry throat, but somehow he managed to swallow, though his brain was still in a haze.He felt fragile, yet strong arms around his shoulders and waist, wrapped almost lovingly.

*Something's different.*

_~Take me _

_Past this lonely truth_

_And let me go beyond my skin~_

He winced inwardly as he was drawn tighter against the small firm chest of the person holding him, though he maintained the cover of sleep as his mind and body continued to wake.

_~The walls that held me here before_

_Have no purpose anymore _

_Let me enter in~_

It was a Pavlovian reaction.The result of a childhood molded by electroshock treatment.Conditioned to feign sleep or even death upon waking.Being the perfect soldier did not come without a price.He took in what he could of his surroundings without opening his eyes.

It was cold.

The various slight noises echoed about him and he could feel the vast amount of space surrounding him and his nameless companion… a hanger or a cavern or something similar.

His head and body hurt terribly and yet…

Something was different.

*I feel…*

New and alien to the perfect soldier, someone was holding him.

*I… I don't feel…*

*I don't feel empty anymore*

_~Break me _

_Of my injured past_

_And make me over in your arms~_

He wondered in confusion at the warm body that was wrapped around him.As he climbed to higher levels of consciousness, he could feel now that he was swaying.A gentle rocking back and forth as a voice whispered.

"Please wake up.Please Heero."

Heero felt something warm and wet hit his cheek.

"P…Please.Don't you die too."

Quatre.His enemy.His enemy, holding him.Cradling him.Rocking him.Pleading him not to die.

*Something's not right.*

_~The pain that guided me before_

_Has no comfort anymore_

_Let me enter in~_

"I need you Heero."

*Enemies don't do this.Is he my enemy?*

Heero felt something tight within his chest as his enemy continued to hold him in this warm embrace.Waves of… something washed over him.Strong waves of something that felt like something he felt long ago washed through him and he remembered bits and pieces of this feeling.He remembered a little girl and her dog and a flower.

*Is this sorrow?*

_~From far away_

_I hearmy mother crying_

_The sky is gray_

_They say the Earth is dying~_

The rocking stopped and Heero waited, masking his wakeful state with the deep slow breathing of slumber.

"You're alive."

He felt the warm breath of the words tickle in his hair.He waited.

"Why are you pretending to be asleep?"

So much for that.

_~I hear her voice_

_And still I make a choice to stay~_

Heero opened his eyes slowly, letting the painful light play havoc on his already raging headache, but he ignored it and instead stared up at the halo of golden white that framed a dark face that lightened as his eyes focused and the contrasting dark and light blended and formed into colors as his vision cleared.

Heero gulped.He had seen this boy on several occasions in their fights together, but even a Gundam's state of the art digital image did not do this creature justice.It was like looking into the face of passion.A face now filled with passionate sorrow.

*What are you?*

Heero thought he had never seen a face so full of emotion.Even Duo full of smiles and laughter did not bear the gentle truth of unmasked emotion in this boys face.A mocking opposite of his own cold countenance.It wasn't just Quatre's visage however.Heero could feel the emotion he saw written on the pale features.He could feel it inside of him, creeping from his heart and wrapping like tendrils around his body, making him warm.It was stronger than anything he had ever felt. 

He slowly sat up, feeling Quatre's hand on his back, supporting him as he gave in to the urge to hold his aching head in his hand and rub his temples.

"Thank goodness you're all right."

Heero turned and scrutinized the blond.

"Nani?"He asked, wincing as the sound of his own voice vibrated through his throbbing skull.He squeezed his eyes shut and willed the pain to go away.He almost didn't notice as a cold bit of metal was pressed into his hand.He looked down to see his gun, safety off and hammer pulled back.His hand closed around the weapon, molding to it instinctively and it stayed with the thing as Quatre brought it up to rest against his own chest.Heero's eyes widened as he looked at the blond.

_~I leave a life behind me_

_I feel myself begin_

_I'm reaching out to keep you_

_Falling farther in~_

He was on his knees.His hand holding the gun firmly against his own heart.His eyes were closed and he had his chin raised proudly as he willed his own execution. 

"You're not done yet Heero.Finish what you started.Just kill me quickly"

Heero felt the sorrow he saw on Quatre Raberba Winner's face echoingthrough his own heart.True, he had declared that he would kill the boy, but now that he was face to face with this seraph who filled him with sentiment he had never felt before, he could not.This boy, was not the same boy he had faced in the new Gundam, trying to destroy the colonies.Heero could feel regret, pain, and confusion.Somehow, he was linked with this boy and he knew that the boy here was not the same as the boy in the Gundam.He just didn't know.But he would not let himself stumble into killing another undeservedly. 

He deftly released the hammer and pulled away.

"No."

Blue eyes flew open and now Heero could feel fear from the other boy.Betrayal shone in the sky blue eyes and Quatre shook his head slowly, angrily. 

"But…but I've killed so many.I killed Trowa.I tried to kill you.I deserve it.I'll… I'll do it again Heero.You have to."

"No you won't."Heero turned and started walking away, trying to escape these emotions even as he welcomed them.A perfect soldier could not function with emotions like these.

Quatre climbed to his feet shakily and went after the boy.He reached for the gun, but Heero turned and pulled away, pushing the smaller pilot backwards.

"Yes, I will!Don't you understand?I'm not strong enough to fight it!Please.You have to end this."

This last part was almost whispered in a small pleading tenor.Heero stopped and turned.His heart clenched as he watched the blond shake, his pale arms wrapped around himself as he shuddered.Heero hurled the gun away from them and it made a loud "clang" as it hit one of the battered Gundams.He walked to Quatre and he ducked to capture the liquid blue eyes with his own cobalt.

"I can't Quatre."

Quatre shook even harder and dropped to his knees, swaying unsteadily.

"but you said you would.You… you said…"He choked.

"Quatre."His voice hitched on the word.

The blond bowed at the waist, swaying sickeningly, looking down.His arms crossed in front of his chest as he cradled his heart.Heero felt a twinge of pain within his own.Unable to hold himself up under the weight of his sorrow, yet unable to let go, Quatre began to sob silently.Even as Heero felt the pain within the boy, he recognized the strength that still held within the frail figure.An underlying strength that refused to let the willowy body relax and fall to the ground.As Heero focused on it, he realized that this strength was in fact his own, as if the other boy was drawing strength directly from the perfect soldier, even as he himself was drawing emotion from his fellow pilot.But it was ebbing away.Heero could feel the link loosen and fade and it took with it, the beautiful emotions it had been feeding him.

"No."He whispered as he lurched forward.

*I have never been so alive as I am now.* he thought.He dropped to his knees, staring at this boy, this creature to which he felt linked.

Quatre's heart hurt.He began to sink, curling in on himself as he fell toward the ground.'so tired' he thought weakly.The air around him was thick, and he let it seep into him.He released himself to the heavy intrusion, believing in the miasma of his confusion, thatif he surrendered to it, it would seep into his lungs and further permeate his body to kindly dissipate him into the warm oblivion of death.It even seemed to cushion him as he fell, lowering his body gently toward the ground and he relaxed into it as if it were the embrace of a lover.If only he could seep into the surface beneath him and merge with the rocks and the metal, to become one with the inanimate.He was so tired.If he could just stop moving.Just stop… just… just so he could rest… for a little while.

Heero blinked.The boy had stopped breathing.Willingly.Heero felt the link continue to fade and he almost cried out, fearing the loss of those beautiful emotions.

*You can't!*He thought as he bent forward and caught the boy before he sank to the ground.

Quatre felt something warm hit his chest.The impact startled him and cold air rushed into his lungs as he gasped involuntarily.His eyes itched as his vision began to clear.The ground felt so warm beneath him, he thought, but as he began to come back to himself, he could hear the steady beat of a heart against him and realized that he had not hit the ground at all.

_~Wake me _

_With your dark embrace~_

*Not mine* he thought.*This heart is strong…stronger than I could ever be.*

He was not laying on the ground, but was instead pressed warmly up against Heero's solid form.Strong.

*what are you?*

"Don't go."Heero's voice was soft, almost pleading.

"I need you Quatre."

~And make me over in your arms~ 

The words swept into the blonde's soul like a warm wind and he felt himself returning from the lethargic haze of a defeated soul.Strength once again crept into his weary body and he began to hold himself up, melting into the warm body that held him and becoming one with it, letting it support him and bring him back.

_~I want to loose myself within_

_Leave the person I have been~~_

Heero's eyes fluttered shut as he felt a new emotion seep into him.Hope.

_~From far away_

_I hear my mother crying~_

They clung to each other in the empty abandoned hangar, leaning against each other.Being there for each other.Driving the dark past away if only for a while.

_~I hear her voice _

_And still I make a choice to stay~~_

Eventually, Quatre felt strong enough to pull away.Heero allowed it, but kept a supportive grasp on the blonde's arms.It was not time yet to let go.Quatre brought his eyes up to meet those of the Japanese pilot.Both boys looked at each other, confused, shy… but somehow, fulfilled.Quatre tried to smile, but his exhaustion betrayed him and the smile was fleeting at best.He stared at Heero's shoulder, unable to express his feelings.Too tired to say anything, but he could feel strength returning, flowing into him.He gasped as the iron grip on his arms squeezed tighter and pulled him in.He raised his eyes and found himself inches away from Heero's expressive and searching eyes as Wing's pilot descended, pausing, birdlike to wait for any rejection before lighting full empassioned lips upon the smaller mouth of the Arabian.Quatre's eyes closed in bliss and pushed himself needily into the kiss as he felt invigorating fortitude flow into him in waves.He brought his own arms up to close around the slender but solid form of the Japanese pilot.

*I know what you are now*

_~I leave a life behind me_

_I feel myself begin_

_I'm reaching out to keep you _

_Falling farther in~_

Heero murmured as the body pressed up against him and the slender pilot in his arms, mouthed hungrily for more.He slid his tongue into Quatre's welcoming warmth and Quatre moaned and eagerly stroked the bottom of the invading muscle with the tip of his own tongue.As they continued, Heero felt a new emotion even stronger than the rest.Love.Heero now knew what love was.Innocent and pure and different than anything he had known before.

*I know what you are now.*

_~I feel the light inside me_

_You go beyond my skin_

_I'm reaching out to keep you _

_Falling farther in~_

*My strength*

*My heart.*

They pulled away and looked at each other, still shy but filled with wonder, their hands lingering on each other lovingly.They did not smile.There was still too much pain… too much to be done, but they would find a way.Together.

*I will keep you.*Quatre thought.* For a while.Until I am strong enough to stand on my own again.*

*I will keep you.* Heero thought.* To feel again.So I will not feel so lost.For a while.*

The sounds of shouting could be heard as soldiers began to storm the hangar bay and the spell was broken.Both boys turned and looked wearily at their captors and climbed to their feet as they gathered the energy to return to the harsh reality of war.Still, they were together.

For a while.

If we survive.

Maybe longer.

…Owari

I can't help it, I'm into sap and angst lately.Was it any good?Let me know!I think I'll call it my foofy spirituality fic. ^_^

Caer

Heero and Quatre in Love

http://www.geocities.com/caerfree/Index.net

"I respect faith, but it is doubt that gets you an education" ~Bruce Lee~


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